Netflix Review: The Dead Room (2016)

"The Dull Room."

There have been some pretty solid Horror flicks that have come out of New Zealand over the past few years. Deathgasm, What We Do in the Shadows, Housebound, Black Sheep, and The Devil's Rock have all impressed us in different ways, so when anything new and scary comes out from The Land of the Long White Cloud, we take notice.



That said, The Dead Room is the first Kiwi fright flick that we've seen in a while that underwhelmed us. It's a valiant effort, and it does some things well, but overall it's an uninspired affair that offers more tired tropes than it does genuine scares.



It happens.

After a family is scared from their isolated farmhouse by a ghost who likes to bump chandeliers with its head, a crack-team of Paranormal Investigators are called in by the insurance company to see if it was all a hoax or not. There's Scott, the skeptical man of science who refuses to believe in anything Supernatural unless there's concrete proof; Liam, the tech geek who is so in love with his gadgets that he doesn't even notice the sexy vulnerable medium on the team; and then there's Holly, the sexy vulnerable medium who dresses kind of slutty for ghostbusting, but she looks good doing it, so we don't mind at all. She's the hero of the movie.

THEY ARE ILL-EQUIPPED TO FACE THE TASK AT HAND.

On the first day, the three set up camp in the house, cameras, sensors and all, and then turn in to get some sleep. That night, at precisely 3 A.M, one of the sensors detects movement, and a chair rocks by itself. Creepy, but could be nothing, so back to sleep they go. The next night at 3 A.M., they're awoken by a loud bang, but this time Holly says she can see a ghost. Still not sure what it is, they go to sleep.

"WAKE ME WHEN SCIENCE GETS HERE!"

On night three at 3 A.M. (this ghost is dependable if anything), chandeliers swing, walls get punched, and doors slam. We're not going to discuss the plot any further here, not because it would spoil anything, but because it's pretty much that same thing over and over again until the last 10 minutes of the movie, when we kinda find out what is going on. But not really.

HURRY, GET TO THE SAFE ROOM WHICH ISN'T SAFE AT ALL! OR MAYBE IT IS. JUST RUN!

The Dead Room wasn't horrible. In fact it's a fairly well-made, low budget Kiwi flick that managed to create a noice and creepy atmosphere, even if it didn't quite know what to do with it. The cast also does a solid job making their characters likable, not counting science guy, which was by design, I'm sure.



The real problem with this movie is that it isn't scary. The house is suitably creepy, but we know so little about why its haunted that there isn't much space for any kind of tension to build. Who is the tall ghost that stalks the halls at night, and why is he doing it? Why is the room at the end of the hallway a safe haven from his supernatural rampage? And what happened in the farmhouse to make it such a supernatural hotspot?



We never get to see the "tall man" ghost, and what we did see at the end (it's hard to explain it any further without delving into spoilers) was quick and fleeting, so it kinda felt like there wasn't any payoff.



Answers to those questions may have helped make things better, although the way it all played out was so stupid at times that it just couldn't be scary. It all started off well, and there were some scary bits here and there throughout, but it never really felt like anyone was in danger. Something scary happens, everyone goes to bed. The next day, something else scary happens, and they go to bed again. Rinse, repeat. By the time any of them decide to do anything, it's the end of the movie, and you just know that they're all doomed, even if it's not exactly clear why.



With most supernatural movies, I usually feel like the characters aren't in any real danger. Most of the time we see movie ghosts slam doors, walk across hallways, jump out an yell boo, contort their faces and scream, and do a bunch of things that look cool, but make no sense threat-wise. I'll admit that I would probably shit myself if anything like that happened to me, but as far as characters in movies go, what are the real stakes if all they have to deal with is flying chairs?

ALRIGHT, SO THINGS MAY HAVE GOTTEN A BIT DANGEROUS AT THE VERY END...

Not really much gore in this one, although there is a pretty gnarly corpse-thing near the end.

Nope, but for a ghostbuster, Laura Petersen sure did wear some skimpy outfits.

DO BONERS KILL GHOSTS OF SOMETHING?

New Zealand is a gorgeous place that we'd really like to visit.

THEN AGAIN...

I have to give this movie some credit for being technically sound, and for its cast being able, but in the end, The Dead Room is a pretty tame Haunted House flick that doesn't pack a ton of scares, and the ones that it does have come late, and are over fairly quickly.



Watch it for free on Netflix if you have it. 



C



The Dead Room is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, VOD, and is streaming on Netflix.

It's not easy finding pictures of Laura Petersen online, but here are a few.

VOD Review:: Summer Camp (2016)

"Crystal Lake, this ain't."

Don't let the above blurb give you the wrong impression; Summer Camp isn't a bad movie. It's a movie with a great premise and an exciting twist that was poorly written in places, and it's a bit too jumbled and confused throughout, but it's not "bad."



It's just with a title like Summer Camp, the first thing that comes to mind are visions of Friday the 13th, The Burning, or Sleepaway Camp, and this movie is not quite on their level. 



*If you don't want the movie spoiled for you, do not read any further.

Summer Camp is the story of three young twenty-something Americans who are hired to work at a remote Summer Camp in Spain, to teach the local children English. In the opening scene we're told via news report that they went missing, and local authorities believe that they will never be seen again. The rest of the movie takes past in a flashback of the day before the camp is set to open, where we get to see just what happened to them. 

YEP, THESE ARE THE MISSING THREE.

Before the kids arrive at the camp, our unlucky trio, along with a local Spanish dude, decide to get to know one another by doing trust exercises that involve them blindfolding and chasing each other through the woods. There's plenty of other things to do around the creepy old camp (as it's pretty run down), but they never really get to that stuff, because before they can, some sort of rage-inducing virus takes a hold of them, causing them to savagely turn on each other.



A desperate and challenging attempt at survival ensues. 

THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FRIENDS!

I won't spoil he twists that the plot undergoes in this section, as the movie really does do the whole Infected thing in a very different way, so why ruin it. I will ruin it all below though, so be warned.

THE SYMPATHETIC ONE.

Summer Camp was an energetic and intense movie, if a somewhat underwritten one.



The premise of the movie, which involves people becoming infected, but only for a short time, was a pretty genius stroke; sure, go ahead and kill your friend to stay alive, after all, they're infected monsters who want to tear you apart with their bare hands. Remember though, that shit will wear off in a while, and then they'll be dead for nothing, and you'll be a murderer.



If nothing else, this movie put a great spin on an old, overused trope.

THAT IS THE FACE OF REGRET.

The main problem that we had with Summer Camp is that as fresh of an idea as it is, it's too quick-cut for its own good. I'm all for quick pacing, and some intense action, but this movie could have used a bit of restraint in both of those areas. Someone get infected, goes wild with rage, chases the others around trying to cave their heads in, then they calm down, then the infection kicks in on someone else, and the whole thing repeats. That's to be expected, as Summer Camp is the baby of Alberto Marini and Jaume Balaguero, both of whom brought us the [REC] series, but this one doesn't ever reach the level of terror that those films, at least most of them, achieved.



A lot of the movie is very dark too, so it's not easy to see what's going on in some scenes.... which is made worse by the shaky cam, which is ever present in this one, and even shakier than it is in most movies.



All of that would be easy enough to put up with if we actually cared about the characters. The beginning of the movie is supposed to be an introduction to them, but served only annoy and confound. The actors did as good of a job here as they could have, given the material they had to work with, but it was rough-going early on, dialogue and acting-wise. Once things kicked into gear though, Maiara Walsh's character was basically the only one we ended up really liking. We love us some Jocelin Donahue, but man was her character ever a selfish bitch.



It was annoying at times, fun at times, and pretty intense throughout, but in a really uneven way. The scene at the end was great though, and we would have loved to see more of the movie be about that.

50 SHADES OF FOREST GREEN.

There are some gory bits throughout this one involving blood and some mysterious black goo, but the movie is so dark and shaky that we don't get to see a lot of it on-screen. 

THAT DOG SAW IT THOUGH. HE SAW EVERYTHING.

Nope.

SIGH...

Overall, Summer Camp is a clever movie that puts an interesting twist on the standard Infected storyline, but it suffers from some mediocre writing (especially early on), and visuals that are confused, really dark, and very shaky.



It's a half-and-half kind of movie for us, and one that you might want to check out if you don't need your fright flicks to be perfect. We're just picky.



C



Summer Camp is available on VOD, and in limited theaters, now.

The ever-lovely Jocelin Donahue and her pal Maiara Walsh.

Random Movie of the Week Review: House (2008)

"Not nearly as bad as we expected it to be."

Every week, we sit down, surf through the Netflix and On Demands of the world, find ourselves a random, B-Grade Horror flick that we've never seen, and watch it. Sometimes we're surprised with how they turn out, and sometimes they're just as bad as we expect them to be. 



Either way, it makes for a good time. This is one of those films.



We weren't expecting much from House, as it's a direct-to-video effort that boasts Michael Madsen as its biggest name (we love the guy, but he is in A LOT of bad movies.) Then we saw that it also had Bill Moseley, Leslie Easterbrook, and Lew Temple in it, and that it was based on a book that got some pretty good reviews, so we though "Hey, this might not be so bad after all."



And it wasn't.

After the death of their daughter, Jack and Stephanie decide to go and see a marriage counselor, because they're having a rough time. While speeding along the back roads of Alabama, Jack gets them lost. Lucky or them, local Cop Michael Madsen is nearby to give them directions back to the highway... which involves taking a "Shortcut" down a creepy dirt road. That should work out well.

SOMEHOW, THE CHICKEN IS BEHIND THIS.

Still driving like a jerk, Jack drives over some debris, leaving them stranded with two flat tires on the deserted old road. There's also another car a few feet away that suffered the same fate, which is probably a good sign. Like any rational person would do, they decide to continue down the dirt road on foot, which leads them to the Wayside Inn, which looks like a crackhouse in disrepair. They've gotta have a phone though, right? And probably ghosts.

YEP. GHOSTS.

Turns out that the Wayside Inn is some sort of spiritual way station for evil souls, and those evil souls like to eat troubled souls, or stranded motorists, or some such shit like that. All I know is that Jack and Stephanie, along with another stranded couple, have to fight for their lives against the Inn's homicidal staff, and some creepy dude named The Tin Man, who writes messages on tin cans, and wants a sacrifice before dawn, or everyone dies.



Don't ask.

YEAH, IT'S ONE OF THOSE.

House is nothing you haven't seen before. It's a very typical Backwoods Horror story, that kinda reminded us of Wrong Turn. It also felt a bit like The Hills Run Red, as The Tin Man kinda gave off a Babyface vibe with his mask and the way that he talked, which was cool. There was also a strong hint of Saw thrown in there with the way that The Tin Man wanted everyone to "play his game" and pitted them against each other.



But it's also based on a fairly successful book that has a Christian bent to it, so I suppose it is different in a way. Now, I'm not all about being preached to while I watch a movie, which is why Kirk Cameron and his shitty rapture movies can suck it, but this one was pretty subtle about it until the ending. The part with the white light was kinda neat in a way, and even though it ended on one of those "You have to appreciate the life that you've got" notes, it didn't piss us off all that much.



I know that doesn't sound like much of a ringing endorsement, but trust me; when a movie like this doesn't piss us off, that's a good thing, because so many do.



The cast did a pretty good job here too, with Bill Moseley being his usual, awesome self; and Michael Madsen, Leslie Easterbrook and Lew Temple doing their genre shtick fairly well.

HOW MUCH PIE CAN A GIRL EAT?!?

There was no shortage of violence throughout this one, although none of it was particularly over-the-top; heads are smashed, people are shot, stabbed, and cut. People also bleed black smoke and white light in this one too, so...

A MEAT LOCKER IS NEVER A GOOD SIGN IN A MOVIE LIKE THIS.

No nudity in this one, but damn does Julie Ann Emery ever know how to wear a low-cut outfit to perfection.

GOD BLESS HER.

I'm not saying that House is a great movie at all, but it is a decent movie, and one that surprised us by not making us want to throw the remote through our TV screen. Don't pay to see it, but if you ever find yourself looking through your On Demand menu for something to kill time with, you could do worse than giving this one a go.



C



We watched House on Cinemax On Demand, but it's also available on DVD and VOD.

We had no idea while watching this one that Julie Ann Emery was the chick from both Better Call Saul and Fargo.