Theatrical Review: Blair Witch (2016)

"Not as good as expected, but not as bad as it could have been."

(aka All Out of Time)

Release Date: September 16th.

Country: USA.

Rating: R.

Written by: Simon Barrett.

Directed by: Adam Wingard.

Starring: Callie Hernandez, James Allen McCune, Corbin Reid, and Valorie Curry.



Love it or hate it, The Blair Witch Project (review HERE) changed the Horror landscape in 1999. It wasn't the first Found Footage movie ever, but it was certainly the first to capture the attention of audiences on a massive level. TBWP was an Indie movie that went on to gross $250 million worldwide on a budget of $60k, which made it one of the most profitable movies of all-time.





A year later they came out with Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, which got way more hate than it deserved.



And now here we are with a new Blair Witch sequel in theaters,and we have to say that it's probably the 2nd best of the series. Yeah, we liked part 2. Critics be damned!

20 years ago, Heather Donahue disappeared in the woods near Burkittsville, Maryland, while on the hunt for the Blair Witch. When her little brother James sees a video online that he thinks has a glimpse of her in it, he and his friends set off to Burkittsville find her. Why he thinks she'd be alive after all that time and still living in the woods is beyond me, but I suppose it's possible.

THEY'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.

James and his crew track down the people who uploaded said video, and they all head into the woods together. Just like in the first movie, eerie things begin to happen when they set up camp for the night: there are stick figures hanging in the trees; rock piles in front of tents; creepy cries and noises come from the darkness; and people disappear. Yes, the Blair Witch is still there, and she's still not very friendly.

OR EVER.

Unlike the first movie... well, there are some plot points that we can't spoil for you here, but suffice it to say that things get really weird and none of it is explained all that well. Or is it?!?

NO, NOT REALLY.

Blair Witch was a fun ride to take. It had its share of scares and tension throughout, and a truly harrowing scene involving a tunnel, and it left me wanting more... if only to get answers to the questions that the movie's crazy plot twist left me with.



Look, love it or hate it, The Blair Witch Project took a very simple premise and executed the hell out of it. It felt real, and if you were able to let it pull you in and accept it as such, it delivered some genuine terror. This sequel though was a mixed bag. On one hand it played almost exactly like TBWP (at least to a point), and it did recapture some of that original magic; on the other, it tried to do its own thing and add something... unexpected... to the whole mythology, and I'm honestly still not sure how I feel about it. I like what it had to offer, for the most part, but I think that it complicated things a bit much, and hence it didn't do much business at the Box Office.



It was cool to see Valorie Curry show up in this one too. She's the goods.

VALORIE CURRY IS THE CUTE ONE.

Ok, so what in the hell was with that twist?



***BEWARE SPOILERS!!!***



Time Travel? They're stuck in a time loop? Alright, that's interesting enough, but how about cluing us into why, and how it's possible, or even what the point of it is. And what was the creature? Word from the writer himself is that it WASN'T the witch, but "something" else? Elly Kedward? A goblin? A Jim Henson puppet?



Why did they have to go and make it so ambiguous? The story is pretty simple: There's a witch in the woods, and she feeds on those stupid enough to trespass on her land and disrespect it. Why fuck that beautiful premise up by adding time travel to the mix?

EVEN HE'S CONFUSED!

Why was this movie so much like the original? For a while there it felt like a remake with the way that it hit so many of the same beats and unfolded in the same way. Not sure if Wingard and Barrett were trying to recapture the magic of the original or what, but it really felt like a "re-telling" with a crazy plot twist thrown in at the end to make it its own beast.

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT'S GOING ON!!!

Barely any gore in this.

PLENTY OF MYSTERY THOUGH...

And even less nudity.

SO MANY LOVELY LADIES, SO LITTLE SKIN.

I liked this sequel, although not anywhere as much as I liked the first movie. Where TBWP shook the foundations of the genre when it was released in 1999, Blair Witch seemed to be content with aping its style, and adding in a bizarre plot twist to make it play more exciting. Or at least that was probably the intention, anyway.



I say it's worth seeing, just go into it with an open mind. 



C+



Blair Witch is in theaters now.

Oh those witchy women...

Netflix Review: The Dead Room (2016)

"The Dull Room."

There have been some pretty solid Horror flicks that have come out of New Zealand over the past few years. Deathgasm, What We Do in the Shadows, Housebound, Black Sheep, and The Devil's Rock have all impressed us in different ways, so when anything new and scary comes out from The Land of the Long White Cloud, we take notice.



That said, The Dead Room is the first Kiwi fright flick that we've seen in a while that underwhelmed us. It's a valiant effort, and it does some things well, but overall it's an uninspired affair that offers more tired tropes than it does genuine scares.



It happens.

After a family is scared from their isolated farmhouse by a ghost who likes to bump chandeliers with its head, a crack-team of Paranormal Investigators are called in by the insurance company to see if it was all a hoax or not. There's Scott, the skeptical man of science who refuses to believe in anything Supernatural unless there's concrete proof; Liam, the tech geek who is so in love with his gadgets that he doesn't even notice the sexy vulnerable medium on the team; and then there's Holly, the sexy vulnerable medium who dresses kind of slutty for ghostbusting, but she looks good doing it, so we don't mind at all. She's the hero of the movie.

THEY ARE ILL-EQUIPPED TO FACE THE TASK AT HAND.

On the first day, the three set up camp in the house, cameras, sensors and all, and then turn in to get some sleep. That night, at precisely 3 A.M, one of the sensors detects movement, and a chair rocks by itself. Creepy, but could be nothing, so back to sleep they go. The next night at 3 A.M., they're awoken by a loud bang, but this time Holly says she can see a ghost. Still not sure what it is, they go to sleep.

"WAKE ME WHEN SCIENCE GETS HERE!"

On night three at 3 A.M. (this ghost is dependable if anything), chandeliers swing, walls get punched, and doors slam. We're not going to discuss the plot any further here, not because it would spoil anything, but because it's pretty much that same thing over and over again until the last 10 minutes of the movie, when we kinda find out what is going on. But not really.

HURRY, GET TO THE SAFE ROOM WHICH ISN'T SAFE AT ALL! OR MAYBE IT IS. JUST RUN!

The Dead Room wasn't horrible. In fact it's a fairly well-made, low budget Kiwi flick that managed to create a noice and creepy atmosphere, even if it didn't quite know what to do with it. The cast also does a solid job making their characters likable, not counting science guy, which was by design, I'm sure.



The real problem with this movie is that it isn't scary. The house is suitably creepy, but we know so little about why its haunted that there isn't much space for any kind of tension to build. Who is the tall ghost that stalks the halls at night, and why is he doing it? Why is the room at the end of the hallway a safe haven from his supernatural rampage? And what happened in the farmhouse to make it such a supernatural hotspot?



We never get to see the "tall man" ghost, and what we did see at the end (it's hard to explain it any further without delving into spoilers) was quick and fleeting, so it kinda felt like there wasn't any payoff.



Answers to those questions may have helped make things better, although the way it all played out was so stupid at times that it just couldn't be scary. It all started off well, and there were some scary bits here and there throughout, but it never really felt like anyone was in danger. Something scary happens, everyone goes to bed. The next day, something else scary happens, and they go to bed again. Rinse, repeat. By the time any of them decide to do anything, it's the end of the movie, and you just know that they're all doomed, even if it's not exactly clear why.



With most supernatural movies, I usually feel like the characters aren't in any real danger. Most of the time we see movie ghosts slam doors, walk across hallways, jump out an yell boo, contort their faces and scream, and do a bunch of things that look cool, but make no sense threat-wise. I'll admit that I would probably shit myself if anything like that happened to me, but as far as characters in movies go, what are the real stakes if all they have to deal with is flying chairs?

ALRIGHT, SO THINGS MAY HAVE GOTTEN A BIT DANGEROUS AT THE VERY END...

Not really much gore in this one, although there is a pretty gnarly corpse-thing near the end.

Nope, but for a ghostbuster, Laura Petersen sure did wear some skimpy outfits.

DO BONERS KILL GHOSTS OF SOMETHING?

New Zealand is a gorgeous place that we'd really like to visit.

THEN AGAIN...

I have to give this movie some credit for being technically sound, and for its cast being able, but in the end, The Dead Room is a pretty tame Haunted House flick that doesn't pack a ton of scares, and the ones that it does have come late, and are over fairly quickly.



Watch it for free on Netflix if you have it. 



C



The Dead Room is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, VOD, and is streaming on Netflix.

It's not easy finding pictures of Laura Petersen online, but here are a few.

Blu-ray Review: Event Horizon (1997)

"Hell in space."

(aka Do You See?)

Release Date: August 15th, 1997.

Country: USA.

Rating: R.

Written by: Philip Eisner.

Directed by: Paul W.S. Anderson.

Starring: Laurence Fishburne, Sam Neill, Kathleen Quinlan, Joely Richardson, Jason Isaacs, and Sean Pertwee.



It's always amazed me how much critics hated this movie, and how audiences didn't respond to it at all, when it was released back in 1997. Now, a lot of critics are stodgy old bores who can never seem to truly enjoy a movie unless it's set in 14th Century England, so I don't tend to give a shit what they say about most Genre flicks, but Event Horizon is not anywhere near the piece of shit that they all made it out to be. In fact, it's one of the coolest Horror flicks to come out of the 90's, and one hell of a good time.



So screw them. 

Space, 2040: The Event Horizon, a deep exploration starship, disappears on its maiden mission to Proxima Centauri. Where did it go, you ask? Hell, but we'll get to that later.

AH, THERE SHE IS.

Space, 2047: The rescue ship Lewis and Clark is sent to Neptune to answer a distress signal, which unbeknownst to them is coming from the Event Horizon, which has suddenly reappeared out of nowhere after 7 years. The ship's creator, Dr. Weir is on board, and he's determined to find out what happened to his baby and bring her home.

DR. WEIR IS AN ASSHOLE, BY THE WAY.

When the crew of the Lewis and Clark boards the Event Horizon to get her back on-line and get some answers, it comes alive, and all hell breaks loose, literally. Like we said above, the ship went to hell (or a really hellish alternate dimension) when it disappeared, and it brought something back with it. Do you see?



Hell on Earth in space ensues.

OH YES, WE SEE.

Event Horizon is one of those movies that we loved when we first saw it in theaters back in 1997, while it seemed to be hated by everyone else. Now, that's not because we're so enlightened that we "got" what a great movie it was, and everyone else was missing the boat, but because it just spoke to us in all the right ways. And because we got it and they didn't, because "they" have shitty taste, and we don't.



Yes, it's a bit melodramatic and over-the-top in the acting department at times, and it's not very scientifically accurate, but it was a bloody, exciting ride that sucked us in and made us hungry for more.



It's packed full of bloody & gory scenes and disturbing imagery; it's got a likable cast, most of whom meet their ends in nasty ways; it's suitably creepy; the ship looks fantastic, as do the glimpses of Hell that we get; and it just doesn't ever let up on any of those things. It's a disturbing Haunted House story set in space. What's not to love about that?

PLUS, LARRY FISHBURNE. HOW AWESOME IS HE?

Did we mention that Dr. Weir was an asshole?

KILL HIM!

This movie was cut pretty heavily when it first came out due to test audiences complaining that it was too gory and violent, which makes no sense, because it's a frigging Horror movie, but I digress...



Point is that somewhere out there (supposedly) is a bunch of footage that would make for a pretty gnarly Unrated Cut, but due to the fact that the studio didn't give a shit about this movie after its poor reception, we'll probably never see it assembled into anything watchable. That's a damn shame.

WAS IT RAPE? WE MAY NEVER KNOW...

Even though a lot of it is shown in quick flashes, there's plenty of blood & gore throughout this one to keep most Gorehounds happy.

I MEAN, THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD.

There's some nudity in this one, but it's not of the sexy variety.

POOR GIRL DIED HALF-NAKED.

Event Horizon looks pretty damned good in this 2:35:1, 1080p/AVC transfer. The special effects look a bit dated in parts, but overall this is a gorgeously shot movie with some great VFX that really shine in crisp detail on this disc. The Dolby TruHD 5.1 audio track complements the visuals perfectly, making it even more of an immersive experience than it already was.



Special Features:

• Audio Commentary with Paul W.S. Anderson


• The Making of Event Horizon (SD, 103 minutes)


• The Point of No Return (SD, 8 minutes)


• Deleted/Extended Scenes (SD, 10 minutes)


• The Unseen (SD, 7 minutes)


• Theatrical Trailer (HD, 2 minutes)

Overall, for under $10, this is an excellent catalogue title that should be a part of any Horror Fan's collection.

POOR BABY BIRD...

Simply put, Event Horizon is one of the best Horror movies of the 90's, and one of our favorite fright flicks set in space. It's eerie, disturbing, gory, and all kinds of exciting, and even though it's attained a bit of a cult status over the years, it's still severely underrated.



If you have yet to take a ride through space and Hell with the Event Horizon, you should rectify that omission now.



A-



Event Horizon is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Along with its Demons, the Event Horizon was also populated with a few Angels.