Random Streaming MOTW Review: The Amityville Legacy (2016)

"Clocking in at a whopping 66 minutes, this movie was about 80 minutes too long."

Every week, we sit down, surf through the Netflix and On Demands of the world, find ourselves a random, B-Grade Horror flick that we've never seen, and watch it. Sometimes we're surprised with how well they turn out, and sometimes they're just as bad as we expect them to be. 



Either way, it makes for a good time. This is one of those films.



You could argue that after the first one, there were no good movies in the Amityville Series. The 2nd one had its creepy moments, the third one was a bit of cheesy-bad 80's kitsch, and the remake was solid enough for a glossy Hollywood money grab, but entries like Amityville Theater, Amityville Asylum, or The Amityville Haunting were just abysmal.



We came across The Amityville Legacy while browsing Amazon Prime for something cheesy to watch, and being that one of us is an absolute Amityville fanatic (yes, she even loves the really, really bad sequels), we had no choice but to give it a go.



All I can say after watching it is that it's honestly not even right that this movie has the name Amityville in its title.

40 years after a red-tinted flashback that shows the original DeFeo murders (or at least some guy walking from room to room in a red hallway, shooting a shotgun), we see a bunch people driving to an isolated farmhouse in Nebraska (?!?) to attend a family reunion. Or maybe it's Dad's birthday. I think it might be both.



Everyone gives Dad his gifts, one of which happens to be a cymbal-banging monkey toy, which came from the Amityville Garage Sale (movie coming soon, I'm sure), and is possessed.  Or cursed. Either way, once Dad gets his presents, he starts to act irritable and is visited by the ghost of his dead father who urges him to kill everyone, because, haunted monkey.



Nothing Amityville-related at all ensues. 

WHY.

I really try not to rip on small, micro-budget movies like this that someone obviously spent their weekends off from their real jobs making, because even the worst of movies take time, effort, and passion to make, but man, this was a bad one. We spent our time watching it, so we're allowed to rant.

• First off, aside from the fact that the there was a model of the Amityville house used in the flashback at the beginning, there is nothing about this movie that has anything to do with the Amityville story. A cursed monkey toy bought at a garage sale that came from the DeFeo house? Listen, if you are going to make a cheap movie, that's fine, but if that cheap movie has Amityville in its title, at least have it be set in the house, or directly related to the original story.


• Also, if you're going to make a Horror movie where someone loses their mind and kills everyone around them, maybe show the murders. Almost none of the deaths in this movie happen on-screen, and there's barely even any on-screen blood, which would have at least made the movie somewhat redeemable. Hell, squeeze some ketchup on someone and film them laying there playing dead. At least that would have been something.


• The acting in this movie is really bad, not that anything else about it is particularly good, but given that so much of this hour-long flick is nothing but talking, the lack of quality really stands out. And hurts. I'm pretty sure that someone in the crew got their Nana to star in this one. I really mean that.


• No violence, no nudity, bad actors working off of a bad script... what exactly is supposed to be the draw here? I'm not even trying to be an asshole about it, but what was the point?


• Without the 6-minute long credit crawl at the end, and it's a sloooow crawl, this movie would have been 57-minutes long. I guess that pretty much says it all.

"KILL THEM OFF-SCREEN!"

These Amityville sequels really need to stop, or at the very least, they need to get a metric shit-ton better.

SO ZORRO REALLY IS THE GAY BLADE. HUH.

Look, making a movie is a labor of love, especially when it comes to small, micro-budget flicks like this. I'm sure everyone tried real hard to do their best here, and I give them credit for that, but The Amityville Legacy has no connection to the original, isn't very well-made or acted at all, is devoid of Horror, and it just doesn't have much of a point.



Even for fans of bad movies, this one is a tough watch.



The Amityville Legacy is available now on VOD and streaming free via Amazon Prime.

The ladies of The Amityville Legacy.

VOD Review: The Blackcoat's Daughter (2016)

"Maybe the best Genre movie that we've seen all year."

(aka February.)

Release Date: TBA.

Country: USA.

Rating: R.

Written by: Oz Perkins.

Directed by: Oz Perkins.

Starring: Kiernan Shipka, Emma Roberts, Lucy Boynton, James Remar, and Lauren Holly.



Every year, there's one or two Horror movies that everyone hails as being "transcendent" or "genre changing," or something to that effect. Whatever the tag-line that gets attached to them, movies like It Follows, The Babadook, Cabin in the Woods, You're Next, and We Are Still Here end up being critical darlings, and find themselves on everyone's Must See list.



So far this year, the critical darlings seem to be The Witch, Green Room, and The Invitation. All three are great flicks in their own right, and they each deliver their own brand of chills, but I'm going to throw The Blackcoat's Daughter into that mix and say that it's every bit as good as those other movies. In fact, it very well could be better.



*The Blackcoat's Daughter (February) was supposed to be released today as an exclusive on DirecTV. It's not on DirectTV, and there has been absolutely no promotion or mention of the release by A24 (its distribution company), DirecTV, or on the film's Twitter or Facebook pages, so at this point we have to assume that its release date has been moved. IMDB has it listed as coming out on Sept. 30th in the U.S., so maybe we'll see it some time this fall. We've been sitting on the review since two of us caught a screening at the CCFF back in late May (because I wanted it to coincide with it's DirecTV release), but there's no point in waiting until September to post it.

It's hard to talk about The Blackcoat's Daughter (formerly titled February), without ruining it for the uninitiated, so we're going to have to be as vague as possible here.



This is a movie about three girls, two of whom are stranded at their prep school over winter break, and one who is desperately trying to get to the school herself. One of the stranded girls, Kat, fears her parents dead, and withdraws inward to cope; while the other, Rose, is terrified that she might be pregnant, and is even more terrified oh how creepy Kat is. As for the girl who is making her way toward Bramford Prep, Joan, well she's obviously been through something traumatic, and yet she stays focused on her goal.



It's also about Satan, who appears as a shadowy bunny-like figure, intent on possessing one (or more) of the girl's souls.



I know that basically tells you nothing, but that's good. You need to see this one as uninformed as possible. In fact, don't even watch the trailer if you can help it. 

WHO WAS PHONE?

The Blackcoat's Daughter is a slow-burn Supernatural Thriller that took us to places that we didn't expect. I know that sounds generic as hell, and the term slow-burn is used far too often these days to describe slow and boring movies, but this one really had it's own quiet, eerie thing going on, and it left one hell of an impression on us.



The Blackcoat's Daughter is as much about loss as it is anything else, and the way that it handles the subject is superb. The movie twists and turns around its three main characters (who are all related in some obscure way) in quiet fashion, and brings them all together in the end in pretty shocking, and dare we say fresh, way. I'd really love to talk about that ending, and what it meant for the movie as a whole, but it would kill the entire thing, and it would be a shame for you to not experience that build-up and resolution for yourselves.



I guess it's safe to say that loss is the key word here; some of it creepy, all of it tragic.

"NO I HAVEN'T CHECKED THE CHILDREN. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?"

It was interesting how they handled Satan in this movie too (it could have been a plain old Demon, but we got the strong sense that it was Old Scratch himself.) His presence and appearance was all very shadowy and ambiguous, as if he were more of a feeling or ideal than an actual physical being. Oh, he was there at times, but it's as if his presence was a shadow that was always draped across everything and everyone, whether you could see him or not.



This is director Oz Perkins' debut feature behind the camera, and it's about as impressive as a first movie can be. Horror is obviously in his blood (he's the son of Norman Bates himself, Anthony Perkins), and If this is the type of thing that we can expect from him as his career moves forward, which it most certainly will, then we're in for some good times.



I'm not sure who truly stole the show in this one; Kiernan Shipka or Emma Roberts. Both ladies played their tortured parts equally well, and their performances took an already great movie to the next level. Lucy Boynton was on top of her game too, even if her character wasn't quite as prevalent. Even Lauren Holly and James Remar seemed to dig deep for this one, although with James Remar being one of the best character actors ever, that's really no surprise.

THIS IS NO TIME TO BE PLAYING BLOODY MARY!

So was the school used for Satanic Rituals, or was that just a rumor started by the kids? Were the nuns Satan's Whores? Was it all in someone's head? Who was phone?!?

SHE'S COME A LONG WAY SINCE MAD MEN.

What the hell is a Blackcoat, and who in the hell was his daughter?

WAS IT HER?

It might not show up until the end, but when it gets there, the gore is solid.

IT'S ONLY A HAND WOUND. RUN!

No nudity in this one, but Emma Roberts does appear in a towel, if that's your kick.

CREEPY, NOT SEXY.

A teenager in love is a fierce creature. So is Satan.

OH, SHE KNOWS. SHE KNOWS.

The Blackcoat's Daughter isn't a perfect movie, and it's probably not going to garner as big of an audience as The Witch did earlier this year, but it's an excellent film and one of the best possession flicks that we've ever seen. Very few movies these days stay with us as long (and as powerfully) as did this one, and we can't wait to watch it again to further dissect it. 



This was a near-perfect movie-watching experience for us, and you should absoloutly check it out when you get the chance.



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The Blackcoat's Daughter was originally scheduled to be in limited theaters and on DirecTV now, but it looks as if its release has been delayed. We'll keep you posted.

Emma Roberts is fast becoming one of our favorite Scream Queens, pun intended.