Theatrical Review: Blair Witch (2016)

"Not as good as expected, but not as bad as it could have been."

(aka All Out of Time)

Release Date: September 16th.

Country: USA.

Rating: R.

Written by: Simon Barrett.

Directed by: Adam Wingard.

Starring: Callie Hernandez, James Allen McCune, Corbin Reid, and Valorie Curry.



Love it or hate it, The Blair Witch Project (review HERE) changed the Horror landscape in 1999. It wasn't the first Found Footage movie ever, but it was certainly the first to capture the attention of audiences on a massive level. TBWP was an Indie movie that went on to gross $250 million worldwide on a budget of $60k, which made it one of the most profitable movies of all-time.





A year later they came out with Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, which got way more hate than it deserved.



And now here we are with a new Blair Witch sequel in theaters,and we have to say that it's probably the 2nd best of the series. Yeah, we liked part 2. Critics be damned!

20 years ago, Heather Donahue disappeared in the woods near Burkittsville, Maryland, while on the hunt for the Blair Witch. When her little brother James sees a video online that he thinks has a glimpse of her in it, he and his friends set off to Burkittsville find her. Why he thinks she'd be alive after all that time and still living in the woods is beyond me, but I suppose it's possible.

THEY'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.

James and his crew track down the people who uploaded said video, and they all head into the woods together. Just like in the first movie, eerie things begin to happen when they set up camp for the night: there are stick figures hanging in the trees; rock piles in front of tents; creepy cries and noises come from the darkness; and people disappear. Yes, the Blair Witch is still there, and she's still not very friendly.

OR EVER.

Unlike the first movie... well, there are some plot points that we can't spoil for you here, but suffice it to say that things get really weird and none of it is explained all that well. Or is it?!?

NO, NOT REALLY.

Blair Witch was a fun ride to take. It had its share of scares and tension throughout, and a truly harrowing scene involving a tunnel, and it left me wanting more... if only to get answers to the questions that the movie's crazy plot twist left me with.



Look, love it or hate it, The Blair Witch Project took a very simple premise and executed the hell out of it. It felt real, and if you were able to let it pull you in and accept it as such, it delivered some genuine terror. This sequel though was a mixed bag. On one hand it played almost exactly like TBWP (at least to a point), and it did recapture some of that original magic; on the other, it tried to do its own thing and add something... unexpected... to the whole mythology, and I'm honestly still not sure how I feel about it. I like what it had to offer, for the most part, but I think that it complicated things a bit much, and hence it didn't do much business at the Box Office.



It was cool to see Valorie Curry show up in this one too. She's the goods.

VALORIE CURRY IS THE CUTE ONE.

Ok, so what in the hell was with that twist?



***BEWARE SPOILERS!!!***



Time Travel? They're stuck in a time loop? Alright, that's interesting enough, but how about cluing us into why, and how it's possible, or even what the point of it is. And what was the creature? Word from the writer himself is that it WASN'T the witch, but "something" else? Elly Kedward? A goblin? A Jim Henson puppet?



Why did they have to go and make it so ambiguous? The story is pretty simple: There's a witch in the woods, and she feeds on those stupid enough to trespass on her land and disrespect it. Why fuck that beautiful premise up by adding time travel to the mix?

EVEN HE'S CONFUSED!

Why was this movie so much like the original? For a while there it felt like a remake with the way that it hit so many of the same beats and unfolded in the same way. Not sure if Wingard and Barrett were trying to recapture the magic of the original or what, but it really felt like a "re-telling" with a crazy plot twist thrown in at the end to make it its own beast.

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT'S GOING ON!!!

Barely any gore in this.

PLENTY OF MYSTERY THOUGH...

And even less nudity.

SO MANY LOVELY LADIES, SO LITTLE SKIN.

I liked this sequel, although not anywhere as much as I liked the first movie. Where TBWP shook the foundations of the genre when it was released in 1999, Blair Witch seemed to be content with aping its style, and adding in a bizarre plot twist to make it play more exciting. Or at least that was probably the intention, anyway.



I say it's worth seeing, just go into it with an open mind. 



C+



Blair Witch is in theaters now.

Oh those witchy women...

Netflix Review: The Dead Room (2016)

"The Dull Room."

There have been some pretty solid Horror flicks that have come out of New Zealand over the past few years. Deathgasm, What We Do in the Shadows, Housebound, Black Sheep, and The Devil's Rock have all impressed us in different ways, so when anything new and scary comes out from The Land of the Long White Cloud, we take notice.



That said, The Dead Room is the first Kiwi fright flick that we've seen in a while that underwhelmed us. It's a valiant effort, and it does some things well, but overall it's an uninspired affair that offers more tired tropes than it does genuine scares.



It happens.

After a family is scared from their isolated farmhouse by a ghost who likes to bump chandeliers with its head, a crack-team of Paranormal Investigators are called in by the insurance company to see if it was all a hoax or not. There's Scott, the skeptical man of science who refuses to believe in anything Supernatural unless there's concrete proof; Liam, the tech geek who is so in love with his gadgets that he doesn't even notice the sexy vulnerable medium on the team; and then there's Holly, the sexy vulnerable medium who dresses kind of slutty for ghostbusting, but she looks good doing it, so we don't mind at all. She's the hero of the movie.

THEY ARE ILL-EQUIPPED TO FACE THE TASK AT HAND.

On the first day, the three set up camp in the house, cameras, sensors and all, and then turn in to get some sleep. That night, at precisely 3 A.M, one of the sensors detects movement, and a chair rocks by itself. Creepy, but could be nothing, so back to sleep they go. The next night at 3 A.M., they're awoken by a loud bang, but this time Holly says she can see a ghost. Still not sure what it is, they go to sleep.

"WAKE ME WHEN SCIENCE GETS HERE!"

On night three at 3 A.M. (this ghost is dependable if anything), chandeliers swing, walls get punched, and doors slam. We're not going to discuss the plot any further here, not because it would spoil anything, but because it's pretty much that same thing over and over again until the last 10 minutes of the movie, when we kinda find out what is going on. But not really.

HURRY, GET TO THE SAFE ROOM WHICH ISN'T SAFE AT ALL! OR MAYBE IT IS. JUST RUN!

The Dead Room wasn't horrible. In fact it's a fairly well-made, low budget Kiwi flick that managed to create a noice and creepy atmosphere, even if it didn't quite know what to do with it. The cast also does a solid job making their characters likable, not counting science guy, which was by design, I'm sure.



The real problem with this movie is that it isn't scary. The house is suitably creepy, but we know so little about why its haunted that there isn't much space for any kind of tension to build. Who is the tall ghost that stalks the halls at night, and why is he doing it? Why is the room at the end of the hallway a safe haven from his supernatural rampage? And what happened in the farmhouse to make it such a supernatural hotspot?



We never get to see the "tall man" ghost, and what we did see at the end (it's hard to explain it any further without delving into spoilers) was quick and fleeting, so it kinda felt like there wasn't any payoff.



Answers to those questions may have helped make things better, although the way it all played out was so stupid at times that it just couldn't be scary. It all started off well, and there were some scary bits here and there throughout, but it never really felt like anyone was in danger. Something scary happens, everyone goes to bed. The next day, something else scary happens, and they go to bed again. Rinse, repeat. By the time any of them decide to do anything, it's the end of the movie, and you just know that they're all doomed, even if it's not exactly clear why.



With most supernatural movies, I usually feel like the characters aren't in any real danger. Most of the time we see movie ghosts slam doors, walk across hallways, jump out an yell boo, contort their faces and scream, and do a bunch of things that look cool, but make no sense threat-wise. I'll admit that I would probably shit myself if anything like that happened to me, but as far as characters in movies go, what are the real stakes if all they have to deal with is flying chairs?

ALRIGHT, SO THINGS MAY HAVE GOTTEN A BIT DANGEROUS AT THE VERY END...

Not really much gore in this one, although there is a pretty gnarly corpse-thing near the end.

Nope, but for a ghostbuster, Laura Petersen sure did wear some skimpy outfits.

DO BONERS KILL GHOSTS OF SOMETHING?

New Zealand is a gorgeous place that we'd really like to visit.

THEN AGAIN...

I have to give this movie some credit for being technically sound, and for its cast being able, but in the end, The Dead Room is a pretty tame Haunted House flick that doesn't pack a ton of scares, and the ones that it does have come late, and are over fairly quickly.



Watch it for free on Netflix if you have it. 



C



The Dead Room is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, VOD, and is streaming on Netflix.

It's not easy finding pictures of Laura Petersen online, but here are a few.

VOD Review: The Neighbor (2016)

"The Neighbor is pretty much The Collector 3, minus the collector. And most of the gore."

The last time director Marcus Dunstan teamed up with the way-underrated Josh Stewart, we got two entertaining and thrilling movies: The Collector (review HERE) and The Collection (review HERE.)



Both were great Home Invasion Thrillers, and now we get The Neighbor which feels a lot like those films in its mechanics. It has a different plot of course, but it's Josh Stewart once again trapped inside of the house with a twisted killer, being forced to use his wits to escape and save the day.



Duntsan and Stewart pull of that premise so well together though that we don't even care how familiar it all feels. Bring it on.

John is a career criminal who works as a Coyote for the local crime boss. He's been saving his money so that he and his girlfriend, Rosie, can get the hell out of their backwater Mississippi town and start a new life that won't end with them dead or in jail. Of course when his boss catches wind of his impending departure, he is none too pleased, i.e. he threatens to kill them if they try to leave.

AS IF SAYING "I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU LEAVE" WILL SOMEHOW MAKE THEM WANT TO STAY?

As if that wasn't enough drama for John to have to deal with, he and Rosie have a shady new neighbor to deal with. Troy (The Neighbor) isn't exactly an upstanding citizen himself, and after he forces his way into John's house and forces him to drink a beer with him, they come to the understanding that both of them have secrets, and that they should stay out of each other's business...

...WHICH WOULD BE FINE AND WELL, IF ROSIE WEREN'T SUCH A CREEPER.

You see, Rosie likes to spy on their new neighbor with her telescope, which leads her to witness a murder on his property, which leads him to kidnap her and lock him in his basement with his other whores. John figures this out and breaks into Troy's house to find Rosie, but instead stumbles into something that spells doom for them all.



An attempted escape from the Boom Boom Room ensues.

THAT'S NOT HELPFUL AT ALL.

As we mentioned above, The Neighbor has a lot in common with The Collector movies: the director; the male lead; the color scheme (Dunstan loves playing with reds and blues); and the plot, which involves a nice normal guy (who is a tiny bit of a crook), creeping around in a Serial Killer's lair in an effort to stay alive, and rescue some poor, Innocent, potential victim. That's alright by us, because we really liked The Collector 1 & 2, and even though The Neighbor isn't quite as gory as twisted as they are, it's still got the air of tension that made them so special, even if it's not "quite" as good. 



Intensity is the order of the day here, and it works well. 



Josh Stewart is a guy who has been around for a while now, and he's had some small roles in some great movies and TV shows, but is still a bit under the radar. He's a great actor, and we love how the films of Marcus Dusntan allow him to take the lead and shine. He's got a humble, southern boy charm about him, and he really needs to be the lead in more movies. Alex Essoe's character felt like more of a plot device than anything, but that's because she killed it in Starry Eyes, and just doesn't have a ton to do here other than play the victim. She has her moments towards the end though.



It's comedian Bill Engvall that really owns this movie though. For a funny man, he plays menacing extremely well, and he made Troy a truly memorable villain. Kinda wish that he had more time towards the end to flex his twisted muscle, so to speak, but he was really good with what he was given, and that was enough for us. Mostly. 

JOSH STEWART ALWAYS LOOKS HIGH TO US.

There's plenty of violence towards the end, but most of the movie is more of a cat-and-mouse type of Thriller than it is a visceral shocker.

STILL, GUNS ARE FIRED, AND LIVES END.

Not that kind of movie.

SHE'S HAD A ROUGH DAY.

"We all got our secrets."

BOY, AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH.

Some people are going to call The Neighbor a Home Invasion flick that is average at best, which is true to a point, but we enjoyed it a lot more than that. Maybe it's because we dig Josh Stewart so much, or how we really like the way that Marcus Dunstan constructs his movies, but there was just something compelling about the story and its characters, even if it was a bit too formulaic and familiar.



If you liked The Collector flicks, and are cool with revisiting that same type of world, only with a bit less twisted violence throughout, then you'll probably like The Neighbor a lot too.



B



The Neighbor is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Alex Essoe is in this, and she's still got those dreamy, starry eyes.